(There's an entry for yesterday as well, if you'd like to read it.)
I do like my job at the clinic, but those little annoyances I mentioned yesterday seem to irritate me more and more. It doesn't help that I've never felt completely comfortable with Dr. McKenzie in the 3½ years I've been with the clinic. That never used to bother me very much, since I spent most of my time working with Elizabeth and Anne, and now with Barbara, who started at the clinic after Anne left. I enjoy working with them, and with Roberta and Lynda, the two associate optometrists. But the uneasiness I've always felt around Dr. McKenzie is now starting to wear me down.
I get the sense that she doesn't respect me. I don't think it's all in my head, and unfortunately, if it's true, I can't say she doesn't have reason. I've been slacking off in some aspects of my work, and not showing enough authority and confidence, and that has to stop. I can't be respected if I don't perform in a way that deserves it.
So I've been increasing my efforts lately, trying to be better at everything I do. I don't know if that will improve our relationship, but at least it will make me feel better about the job I'm doing.
* * *
I hope I'll be able to make some improvements outside of work as well. I've been struggling to fight off depression lately. That's hardly news, but the feeling has become more and more acute. The problem is that I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, and when you feel like that it's hard to get motivated enough to do, well, anything.
Ideally, I'd like something to feel passionate about. Or at the very least, something to pique my interest. There's always my piano - I'd like to play more than I have been. But I also want to find something new, and I'm thinking that photography might be it. Not simply point-and-shoot like I've been doing for years, but serious photography.
I mentioned this to Richard recently, and he lent me his Nikon SLR to learn how to use. He thought it would be better for me to try it out and see if I truly liked it, before I plunked down the hundreds of dollars for my own equipment. I have a great brother.
The camera is big, and darned heavy to tote around, compared to my compact Pentax point-and-shoot and my Olympus digicam. It's something you'd carry only if you were going someplace specifically to take pictures. But I'm looking forward to trying it out. I've just got to find the time to read that manual...
P.S. Thanks for the welcome back, Winnie. It's nice to know that not everyone deserted me after my long absence. And welcome back to you, too! I've enjoyed reading about your adventures in Hong Kong and Japan.
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